Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The Crazy Gene Updated

Apparently, my first draft didn't meet my approval of the boss/wife. So there are some changes. For those of you that saw the first draft, congratulations, maybe it will come up again in blooper real.

I have decided to change up the schedule this week and instead of talking about the other side of my family(my mom's side), we will save that until next week and instead will be unsupervised and be talking about women! Usually, I have Jeanine(my wife) read the blogs before I post them, because I tend to be mean and sarcastic sometimes, but today we are unsupervised so I hope this goes well.

I am going to give all of you the secret to woman, so I will give you a minute to go get a pen and paper.


OK, so after many years of women in my life, my Mom, Mother-n-law,Grandmas, Aunts, friends, girlfriends, and girls I have come in contact with, I have found one thing to be true. You ready? All woman are NUTS! Now, before you get all sensitive let me say this. It's OK, because I have found the formula. You see I believe that women start off normal until they hit the age 23ish, at that point in time the crazy gene kicks in and that gene becomes more dominant the older a woman gets. Now, if you're a guy and you think there is no hope, do not despair, because there is hope. This crazy gene gets less dominant when the woman hits her 50's. You might be asking yourself, what do I do during the reign of the crazy gene? You just have to know how to play the game and deal with it, because the crazy woman in our life keep us men sane. I know, its a crazy, messed up concept but it is true. There might be times when we as men feel like we are going crazy because of the woman, but its just their crazy gene effecting us, so don't worry. Now, some of you women might be cursing at me or agreeing with me, either way, I'm right so get over it. To prove it I am going to give you some examples from my own life.

My beautiful wife just celebrated her 29th birthday and you know what that means. Yep, she is well into the crazy gene being a dominant part of our life. Just last week we were at dinner with her parents, and we were talking about her brothers honeymoon, and that they have decides to go to Las Vegas(nice!). I happen to be Dj'ing the wedding. During this conversation about the honeymoon, my wife tells her parents that since I am the DJ I feel that I should get a free ticket to Las Vegas as well....."WHAT?.......When did I say this?", I ask. She replies, "You didn't, but it sounded like something you would say." Are you as confused as I was? My wife is going around giving people messages from me, but it is only what she thinks I would say. Now, you might think this is funny and I might have overreacted,and I would agree, if this was the first time, but it is not. She has a habit of telling people and mostly her parents things that I might say, and even sometimes she tells the jokes that I might say about people in private(behind their backs) but she thinks it is funny enough to share with the world.....Crazy gene thank you so much for that. Even though she dirves me nuts sometimes/today she is still the love of my life and the mother of my child and we have fun during snuggle time, yes that's right, snuggle time. I am man enough to admit we have a nightly meeting in bed called snuggle time. If you have a problem with that I am man enought to kick your butt too.

My wife, as great as she is, does do the typical "crazy gene" greatest hits that other women do that you might be familiar with.

-I'm mad at you for what you did in my dream
-You should know what I am thinking
-Don't fart and pull the covers over my head

Things of that nature that we can all relate to as men or you women might recognize those as well.

Now, let me give you a story of a woman who is coming out of the dominant crazy gene period of her life. My mother-n-law is in her mid 50's and believe me when I first came around the crazy gene was in full effect. As she gets older and we hang out more, she is taking control and the crazy gene is becoming less and less dominant. For example, at that same dinner where Jeanine decided to play ventriloquist, Vicki (the in law), who is a teacher, decided to tell us about the NO GRINDING policy that the school is putting into action for the homecoming dance. For those of you that do not know what grinding is, then I say, Grandma I will tell you later. As she began to explain the video, she was very funny in her description. I thought to myself......AWESOME! I never in a million years thought I would be having this conversation with my mother-in-law. Oh man, it brings a smile to my face just reliving it in my head. So she is moving up the list in my book.

So men out there, I want you to go give your wife, girlfriend, or mom a hug and just tell them to hold on and we will get through this period of life together. If you have a teenage daughter prepare her for what is going to happen to her. The crazy gene gives us a test run with teenage hormones, but that is just the beginning. I hope this helps all of you confused souls out there. Until next week, have a great weekend!

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